Always a lesson

If I believed in god, I would ask her, “Oh Lord, what is that you are trying to teach me here??”
Patience? Maybe. I thought I was doing pretty good. Patience is indeed a virtue, one that I have sought after for some time now. And, I think that I have done alright in that department; in the areas that count anyway.
Positive thinking? Alright, I know I am a positive thinker, but there is always room for improvement. Fine. I will think about the things that make me happy and the things I want to have in my life, rather than the things that I don’t want. Got it.
It might be a little bit of both of these. Or perhaps it is something else. It could be about perception, or compassion and empathy. I know how selective I am when doling those out.
Whatever it is I am supposed to learn I wish the hell I would hurry up and learn it. But no, in the tradition of my previous lessons, it will take me what seems like eons. I will stumble, I will fall (getting pretty close!), and eventually I will get it. I just need to try and stay sane while I am “learning”.
Korea is literally driving me crazy. I go up and down like a horse on a merry go round, only it is not fun! Some days are ok, fun even, then the next could be really difficult. Just when I think I understand how to make my way here and be happy, something throws me for a loop. I find myself getting far more angry here than I ever did at home. I even yell sometimes! I have lost my cool, cried at school, (hey that rhymes ;) ) things that I don’t do, or haven’t done at home.
As I have said many times, there are things here that go against the grain of my soul. The teaching is a joke, the children are like robots, they cannot think outside of the things they have been taught to memorize. It is so disheartening. There is not much respect for me as a person, or a teacher. The things that I want and need are ignored, but everything is expected of me. I am a very opened minded person, but every day I flounder in a very close minded world. Many days I feel as though I am talking to the wall, “Hello, wall.”
Obviously I will not throw in the towel, but right now I am not sure how to deal with these feelings. I am a sensitive being, too sensitive some say. Am I destined to be depressed by the world, wherever I go, because I zoom in on the hardships? Where do people like the Dali Lama and Marc and Craig Keilburger get their inspiration? They for certain have seen worse things than I have.
As usual, after writing this, my feelings and thoughts feel more sorted. And in keeping with the way this mysterious world works, while writing I was interrupted by a friend on messenger whose sunlit beams distracted me from my own sadness.