Tonight upon arriving home after having dinner at a friend's house, I am feeling a little diplaced and sad.
These feelings have been lurking beneath the surface all week. I suppose having been in a relaxed atmosphere, in good company, the gate to the fort had been left unattended, allowing the feelings to surface.
Moving to another continent constantly involves challenges. Wherever you live you will experience difficulties in your life. The difference for me, is that at home I had encountered similiar obstacles and difficulties repeatedly, and learned how to cope.
This week I am tired of not being able to communicate what I need or want.I am tired of not being able to say what I really want to say. To be able to comfort a girl whose gift was ripped up by a boy she adores. To tell another boy not to let his so called "friends" take advantage of him. To tell a child that they are perfect just as they are. To ask a young boy (around age 9) and his tiny little brother (3 or 4) why they are wandering the street at 10pm alone.
I think they live in my building as I have seen them on the elevator. I saw them earlier on my way to dinner, thinking they must be going to the store in our building. Surely a boy of 9 is not responsible for a wee little brother for the duration of an evening? It makes my heart ache. I want to take them to my house.
The feelings are felt, but there is no where for them to go, no resolution. Korea is a difficult place for a sensitive person. Children are diciplined by beatings, fights on the playground are a normal occurance, boys/men rule the roost. It is strange for me to experience this in a developed country.
I try to stay positive, and there are many things that I am thankful for and enjoy about Korea. The calbi, the kindness of the people, Jeju, the service, the coffee places, Seoul, my apartment, visiting the orphanage, etc. I don't want to leave, I want to continue on this journey, to learn the lessons I am meant to learn, to change and grow as only you can on an adventure like this. But, sometimes I long for the familiar, the "normal" when things seem crazy around me.
I long to eat things that actually taste good, to understand what I hear every day, to be able to ask, "What in the world are you thinking???" I long to receive a hug from a child, to smell their hair and know the love between you has no boundaries. For them to know that you are there for them always, they can count on you. To be approached and spoken to, not because you speak English, but because of who you are. To be seen. Not as the English speaker, the foreigner, the teacher, but as a person with feelings, worries, and concerns.
These feelings have been lurking beneath the surface all week. I suppose having been in a relaxed atmosphere, in good company, the gate to the fort had been left unattended, allowing the feelings to surface.
Moving to another continent constantly involves challenges. Wherever you live you will experience difficulties in your life. The difference for me, is that at home I had encountered similiar obstacles and difficulties repeatedly, and learned how to cope.
This week I am tired of not being able to communicate what I need or want.I am tired of not being able to say what I really want to say. To be able to comfort a girl whose gift was ripped up by a boy she adores. To tell another boy not to let his so called "friends" take advantage of him. To tell a child that they are perfect just as they are. To ask a young boy (around age 9) and his tiny little brother (3 or 4) why they are wandering the street at 10pm alone.
I think they live in my building as I have seen them on the elevator. I saw them earlier on my way to dinner, thinking they must be going to the store in our building. Surely a boy of 9 is not responsible for a wee little brother for the duration of an evening? It makes my heart ache. I want to take them to my house.
The feelings are felt, but there is no where for them to go, no resolution. Korea is a difficult place for a sensitive person. Children are diciplined by beatings, fights on the playground are a normal occurance, boys/men rule the roost. It is strange for me to experience this in a developed country.
I try to stay positive, and there are many things that I am thankful for and enjoy about Korea. The calbi, the kindness of the people, Jeju, the service, the coffee places, Seoul, my apartment, visiting the orphanage, etc. I don't want to leave, I want to continue on this journey, to learn the lessons I am meant to learn, to change and grow as only you can on an adventure like this. But, sometimes I long for the familiar, the "normal" when things seem crazy around me.
I long to eat things that actually taste good, to understand what I hear every day, to be able to ask, "What in the world are you thinking???" I long to receive a hug from a child, to smell their hair and know the love between you has no boundaries. For them to know that you are there for them always, they can count on you. To be approached and spoken to, not because you speak English, but because of who you are. To be seen. Not as the English speaker, the foreigner, the teacher, but as a person with feelings, worries, and concerns.
posted by Nancy at
9:46 PM
1 Comments:
Wow.
That was powerful.
Nance, I think we all go through what you are feeling at some point on our term here. Some go through it in a more severe way than others. I think you just have to realize that Korea isn't quite "ready" for us to "fit in". But its our main job to help Korea take baby steps towards allowing foreigners of the future "fit in".
But what a rollercoaster ride it is!
By
Brent, at 2:47 PM
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