Friday was the no good, very bad, terrible day! Tears and everything. It is the first day that I thought I do not want to be here. Everything is ass backwards, no one cares (at school) what you want or need, no matter how many times you tell them, my teaching resources are limited and the computer is broken half of the time (i teach from the curriculum Cd), while I try to fix the computer the kids go wild,I am expected to teach, perform, dance with one moments notice, they are always trying to make me do extra, one day you think someone is your friend, the next day they are taking advantage of you, the grade sixes are horrible, etc.

Now, that being said, those things will not change. Regardless of what I do, they will not change. I have been trying to express my needs, make changes, cope, blah blah. This is the way it is and I am not leaving, so I must change my perception. It is difficult, let me tell you! Right now I am very tired and drained, so I am concentrating this week on getting built back up. My lessons will be simple, some things I have used before, and I won't feel guilty for not being a good teacher. I know that I am not very good at handling stress, so I am going to work on that. I will concentrate on the good things in my life, the things that make me happy and the things that I am grateful for. I will not let the archaic ideas of this new world rob me of my spirit!

Therefore, the following are things that I have to be happy about:

a good cup of morning coffee
my family
the good weather here in Mokpo
meeting a new friend
the children at the orphanage
Sister Thomas
My friends
My little grade three buddy
reading all the Prison Break episodes online
Our hug campaign in Mokpo Dec 2nd!
One month and 12 days until vacation in Austrailia!!!
having money to go on vacation
Lost 2kgs in the past 2 weeks
eating healthy lunches
Being offered a container of milk at the end of the day Friday by someone who understood I was upset
A few special students, formerly anti-English, who can now speak some English
my computer
my cozy apartment
finding curry in Mokpo!

And believe it or not... being a teacher :)

Hugs in Suncheon

Saturday Christa and I headed to Suncheon to visit our friends Carol and Melanie, and join in on the fun of a Free Hugs campaign.

After making signs at Carol's, we headed downtown to share the love! I was a little reluctant at first because I don't usually hug anyone besides little children. I watched as the others were going right up to the Korean people with open arms and embracing them. I hung back a bit with my "Free Hugs" sign, but then decided to go for it! I'm so glad I did. It is not a usual custom to hug in Korea, so you can imagine that many people were shy, or reluctant at first. It was great! I hugged many women and children and a few fellas too!

Some of Carol's other friends were there from Suncheon and other places. I think there were around 12 people in all, up and the down the street (an alley way where cars do not drive, shops on either side) offering free hugs. One friend said that as he walked, he knew we were up ahead because so many people had big grins on their face.

Some of Carol's students even came out. Young shy boys offering free hugs; how cute. Near the end of the day, two other young boys started hanging around us, shy at first, holding the signs up to us... I told them they had to hug me if they had the signs! In the end, they were hugging us and actually ran off and came back with a sucker for all of us! They was so adorable.

After a rough couple of weeks, the visit to Suncheon was just what I needed. I do not know why I waited so long to visit those girls, they are so lovely. Carol nutured us in her home, we watched dvds, ate junk food, it was splendid! I also met some of Carol and Mel's friends, who are also quite lovely. It reminded me of the good things in life and in Korea, something I definitely needed to take notice of.

Tonight upon arriving home after having dinner at a friend's house, I am feeling a little diplaced and sad.

These feelings have been lurking beneath the surface all week. I suppose having been in a relaxed atmosphere, in good company, the gate to the fort had been left unattended, allowing the feelings to surface.

Moving to another continent constantly involves challenges. Wherever you live you will experience difficulties in your life. The difference for me, is that at home I had encountered similiar obstacles and difficulties repeatedly, and learned how to cope.

This week I am tired of not being able to communicate what I need or want.I am tired of not being able to say what I really want to say. To be able to comfort a girl whose gift was ripped up by a boy she adores. To tell another boy not to let his so called "friends" take advantage of him. To tell a child that they are perfect just as they are. To ask a young boy (around age 9) and his tiny little brother (3 or 4) why they are wandering the street at 10pm alone.

I think they live in my building as I have seen them on the elevator. I saw them earlier on my way to dinner, thinking they must be going to the store in our building. Surely a boy of 9 is not responsible for a wee little brother for the duration of an evening? It makes my heart ache. I want to take them to my house.

The feelings are felt, but there is no where for them to go, no resolution. Korea is a difficult place for a sensitive person. Children are diciplined by beatings, fights on the playground are a normal occurance, boys/men rule the roost. It is strange for me to experience this in a developed country.

I try to stay positive, and there are many things that I am thankful for and enjoy about Korea. The calbi, the kindness of the people, Jeju, the service, the coffee places, Seoul, my apartment, visiting the orphanage, etc. I don't want to leave, I want to continue on this journey, to learn the lessons I am meant to learn, to change and grow as only you can on an adventure like this. But, sometimes I long for the familiar, the "normal" when things seem crazy around me.

I long to eat things that actually taste good, to understand what I hear every day, to be able to ask, "What in the world are you thinking???" I long to receive a hug from a child, to smell their hair and know the love between you has no boundaries. For them to know that you are there for them always, they can count on you. To be approached and spoken to, not because you speak English, but because of who you are. To be seen. Not as the English speaker, the foreigner, the teacher, but as a person with feelings, worries, and concerns.

The picture that did not show up...

Chicken, friends, and little boys

Quite the title yes, but that is what is on my mind.

Had a delicious chicken dinner with Christa tonight. Except for the ketchup and mayo on the cabbage salad, it was really delicious! We had one of those interesting, enjoyable and mind stretching conversations. I am satiated on all levels.

The boys at school and the orphanage have been delightful. There is one boy at school that brings a smile to my face every time I see him. He is such a cutie, so happy, and always eager to chat with me. I bring him and his buddies treats in the afternoons while they are playing on the playground. They try so hard to communicate with me, sometimes I forget that we speak a different language.

One of the boys, a really small guy, used to say to me all the time "No English- eee", every time he saw me. Other kids would say, "Oh, he doesn't speak English, he can't". One day in class I told him he was very cute, and encouraged him to try speaking English. I heard from one of his classmates that he has been trying harder since then. Now, each time I see him, he says a few English words, mixed with Korean words. Much better than before! I am so happy!

Pictures:
Boy in the suit is the cutie I mentioned above
Boy doing the peace sign is the reluctant English speaker
Boy with the vest on is one of my favorite little guys in grade three

More Jeju pictures

I am telling you, despite the drama that took place on the trip, I had so much fun doing all these activities! Just look at how dirty I am on the ATV. That had to be one of the most enjoyable things I have done!

Oh, Korea

Every day something special, annoying, frustrating, surprising, sad, or funny happens. Never a dull moment around here.

Sometimes a friend seems unhappy with you, for no apparent reason that you can think of. Perhaps they think you are a liar ( a true case; ridiculous to anyone who knows me), or you didn't go somewhere that they wanted you to. Who knows, but drama ensues.

Yesterday I broke up a fight between three boys. One grade 6 was angry over a call in their baseball game and charged another boy, and punched him hard in the face. The younger brother of the puncher totally lost it and attacked him. It all happened so fast, I was a little dazed and scared. I got in between them and managed to get them apart after repeat efforts. The boy who got punched had a huge bruise on his cheek and was crying very hard. I was so sad for him. We could not communicate verbally due to limited language skills on both sides, but I hope they all realized that I cared and that fighting is not acceptable. However, unfortunately, it is the way of life here.

Today our school is having their big festival, where I, the English teacher get to be in the play. I thought I was just helping to organize it, but oh no, off I go to dance, act like a fool and embarass myself! Their is a funky dance that has been made famous here in Korea by a comedian. We are doing this today. The kids have already taught me to do it and for the past two weeks everywhere I go they have been shouting, "Teacher, Kume Pa!" That is the name of this interesting dance where one thrusts their pelvis forward and makes silly sounds!
We are actually using the song "I like big butts" because my teacher did not know it is about bums! Oh, just another day in Korea...